Dear Farillio member,

On 27th April 2021, you asked our fantastic expert Charlotte Armitage on the Go Far Fast Show:

“What is a healthy amount of time to spend on social media? I know there’s not a hard and fast rule but if I'm not careful I can spend hours just scrolling and reading. I know that's a waste of time. I find it really hard to put my phone down or ignore it when I feel notifications coming in. I've tried putting my phone outside my bedroom at night too, but then I can't sleep without it.”

And Charlotte said:

Be mighty always, Farillio

Transcript:

“I think that this individual needs to think about what it is they are worried about. What's going to happen if you leave your phone outside of your room on that night? What could happen? The phone and having the phone with them serves a purpose, it's some sort of safety net for something that they're worried about. Are they worried that they're going to miss a call from somebody? When you can understand that and when you understand the function of it, that will help you to then manage it. The practical thing that you can do is to start spending some time without your phone. However painful that might feel, stick with it if it's bearable. Stick with it and try to work out why is this uncomfortable for me and what am I worried about here. It can be hard to do yourself and that's why people have therapists to do this for them.

It seems to me that this person can't sleep so it's almost like a comfort blanket to have the phone with them. It's protecting them from something and working out what that thing is will help them to let go of the comfort blanket. They might not need it because they'll feel safe once they've worked out what that anxiety is. I think that if you’re learning to detach from the phone, you could do it in a graded exposure way. If you get one notification you try and not touch that notification for 15 minutes, then allow yourself to go with it. Then try doing it for longer periods of time so you get used to not responding and not being at your phone's beck and call every time a message comes in. I do think that what I'm hearing in that question is that there's fundamental anxiety or a worry about something and the phone protects that person from it. Exploring that in more depth might be helpful.”

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If you have any questions that you'd like us to ask in a future Go Far Fast Show, send us a DM on Twitter or on LinkedIn. We'd love to hear from you!

Want more from Charlotte?

You can also find Charlotte’s answers to other questions being asked by you and your community in our Dear Farillio Expert section on our blog site, and Charlotte’s great guidance on social media and mental health here. Download the full podcast here.

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