Dear Farillio member,

On 27th April 2021, you asked our fabulous expert Charlotte Armitage on the Go Far Fast Show:

“I’m worried about how much time my kids spend on social media. They're always on it doing videos, searching for information, and following all the random YouTubers. Sometimes it feels like they're living on their phones and not at all in the real world. I tried hard to resist getting them the phones, but all their friends have had them from a really young age. Do you have any advice? I really don't want to be that parent, but I'm anxious about what they're watching and how it's impacting their brains and well-being.”

And Charlotte said:

Be mighty always, Farillio

Transcript:

“I think every parent probably feels this way because the reality is that these devices are integrated into children's lives on a level that we can't remove. They use them at school and they're using them at home to connect with their friends. I think they’re like board games for this generation and this is how they play.

They are spending more time on their screens, but again, it really comes down to set some boundaries. It’s about saying okay to an hour on the iPad or whatever you feel is appropriate for your child, but then we're going to sit down and play a game or read a book together. I think we need to limit what they're doing online because the online world can be dangerous. It can be dangerous, and it can be really damaging for psychological well-being, especially with the fact that there are so many trolls around. What I do find with trolls is that the younger generation of people that I work with psychologically can cope with it better because they're used to it. The older generation finds it much harder because we didn't grow up with that. We didn't have that, and it wasn't ingrained into our development to learn how to handle online bullies. Now children do learn to manage that. They're taught in schools how to be safe online. They’re taught don't talk to strangers, don't accept requests from strangers, and don't meet up with strangers. It's a scary world and they can quite easily end up accessing things online that are inappropriate for their age and that is a worry. I think that's a whole different show because there's so much that we could be concerned about around there.

I think it's important for their psychological development to have time away from the screens and to have time interacting with children. The most important part of our development and the most important part of developing healthy psychological functioning is the emotional connection with the primary caregivers. The parent needs to be present with that child, and if the child is on a screen or the adult is on a screen, then the child isn't having that kind of emotional connection that they really need. Popping that to the side, I don't think we can really apply this to the lockdown because people have had so much to juggle and were just to get through it. People were working full-time and children were homeschooling, so just to get through it they've had a lot of screen time. We should look at that period as an isolated block of time. If they've been on the iPad too much through that time, then so be it because we've just had too many other things to think about. We weren’t living in ideal circumstances then.

Now they're back at school and we're able to get back out and function as we were in society. Set those boundaries and engage them in fun activities. Children just want to have fun at the end of the day. If they can have fun with mum and dad, or brothers and sisters, or friends where it's face to face then they'll do that. A friend of mine was saying her child had gone to a friend to play and the mother said, ‘oh can you bring the iPad?’ and my friend was thinking ‘why can't they just play?’. My daughter does it too - her friends will come over and I'll see them all sat playing a game together on the iPad now. I suppose it is similar to when children would all sit around a board game but encourage them to interact more socially. I think the crux of it really is giving them a fun alternative to being on the screen.”

Ask your question:

If you have any questions that you'd like us to ask in a future Go Far Fast Show, send us a DM on Twitter or on LinkedIn. We'd love to hear from you!

Want more from Charlotte?

You can also find Charlotte’s answers to other questions being asked by you and your community in our Dear Farillio Expert section on our blog site, and Charlotte’s great guidance on social media and mental health here. Download the full podcast here.

Please note: The contents of this blog are not tailored business advice or legal advice. This is guidance and information, which we do our best to keep current, relevant and helpful. If you need business or legal advice, please use our Speak To An Adviser service or you can get in touch via our LiveChat.